Last weekend I took some time to do something for myself, I went to a pop up hair clinic Antidote street at Spitalfields market in London. I finally got my had done! It was so nice to travel to London without a buggy and just get on the tube and walk about without entertaining a toddler or struggling to get about. To sit and not talk or be demanded of for an hour while my hair was being done.
Once my hair was done I felt myself because for once I had a style that wasn't just what was easiest or a quick fix to get out the door it was a beautiful protective style that made me feel truly powerful within myself!
Getting your hair done is something that a lot of women do regularly but not me I've had a lot of negative experiences with bad, rude hair dressers so getting my hair done was a big deal but now I know how transformative the experience is I really want to make it a regular thing that happens in my life.
I went back to my hometown of Ipswich, Suffolk to go to my friends daughter's 1st birthday, I saw it as an opportunity to see my mum and my friends at the same time so organised a girls night on the Saturday night and a girls lunch on the Sunday before I went back to Watford. The plan was I would stay at my mums for the weekend but that quickly went wrong when my son who is two cried the whole time and was screaming to go home. Instead of trying to sooth and make him feel more comfortable he received a lot of you don't need to cry, you've got nothing to cry about, stop it, and other things along those lines. I didn't feel welcome in my mother's house the energy got very weird very quickly after I arrived and I feel like the Bubba felt this that is why he was so against being there. I was unable to just leave because my rear tyre was flat due to a puncture I attempted to change the tyre in high winds with wheeley bins flying past me and with the toddler inside the car to contain him, which was a bad call as he took the hand brake off and I narrowly missed getting run over by my own car! I put him inside with my mum and my nan. He screamed straight away but I really needed to get the wheel on two minutes later my mum came out with the Bubba who was still screaming so I gave up and ended up messaging a friend who came to get us and then I stayed at another friends house with the Bubba. When he walked into my friends house he was so happy, relaxed and himself which was insightful as I believe that children can feel the energy and whether it is positive or negative. Having the Bubba there with me for the girls night was not how I saw that night going as he becomes the focus rather than the girls and what they have been up to. It was still a good night but that experience really made me determined to have the income to be able to afford a sitter wherever I am. My friend Zena who I stayed with is an amazing artist and when I walked into her dining room I was faced with a beautiful painting of my face which was surreal it made me want to commission lots of paintings to give out as presents but first I gotta build that income so I have financial freedom so I can invest in these beautiful creations and support independents businesses and artists.
At the birthday party which I drove to in my mums car due to the flat tyre the Bubba fell asleep in the car so I had to sit in the car for an hour and wait for him to wake up to go inside. It was then that I realised I had forgotten the birthday present so now I feel proper out of sorts and embarrassed. The Bubba had a great time at the party causing havoc, kissing babies, fighting over an inflatable dog, climbing over everything and breaking a mirror. I ended up leaving early because he was getting more and more chaotic. I really wanted to speak to my friend but the party was not the right setting to catch up on all that has been going on so video calls will be the way forward.
The Sunday with the girls was great everyone looked amazing I really miss having my girls around me! It made me really want to make the time to speak to them more as I've lived in Watford a year now and that was the first time I've been back to Ipswich since I moved.
I had so many realisations and came back reflective and frustrated but am working through it all now so I can continue with the building of House of Cleo.
Seeing how negative some people are and the things they accept as good enough was a reminder to myself of how far I have come in accepting myself and not settling for things that are broken, dirty, low quality and that doesn't add value to my life! The way I talk to myself is much more positive although there are days just like everyone else where I feel like I'm battling or I feel like I am unable to do stuff but I remind myself of what I have done and am doing and focus on the life that is coming to me the lifestyle I am slowly creating!
I am at a point now where it is now or never it feels like if I don't take this leap to do the next phase that it won't happen. The resistance has been over powering but after a few great conversations I realise I am in my own way! It is OK for me to make money, it is OK for me to be financially wealthy, I have the knowledge, skills and experience to help others and will use that for good. I have launched the countdown to my life coaching services going live to put the pressure on so I no longer procrastinate and make the big step into doing what it is I really believe I am meant to be doing.
I'm currently trying to book the next lot of events but seem to be chasing for responses which is annoying but all part of the fun of event organising. The next brunch I am really looking forward to because the theme is something I believe all women should be fluent in and that is money confidence, even if you are unemployed, or your partner pays for all the bills and groceries if every woman had the confidence to deal with finances they would be so much better off and prepared for difficult times if they arise. Let's talk money and stop it being a dirty word!
I'm finding at the moment building a business very difficult the lack of sleep and the positive mindset is waining because I keep making stupid mistakes and forgetting things like meet ups, doctors appointments and even conversations I've had because I am literally exhausted I can barely do basic stuff because my mind, body and soul is not replenished or recharged. I have set a date for me to leave the night shift this is NON-NEGOTIABLE it also helps me cultivate the right energy to get to that end point and put that energy in the right things. This is why I have been off social media for a week so I could get my mind in the right place and shake off the negativity that had built up and to focus on the direction of House of Cleo to make it successful in the sense that I can pull a wage from it and not need a job to pay the bills to be truly self sufficient. It is scary but it is good scary and I'm more than ready to live my best life and help others to do so too!